Things to Do - An Anniversary of Sorts


My first day as a SAHM was three years ago today, so today marks an anniversary of sorts. Before I had children I met women who dreamed of staying at home with kids, and I appreciated their goals as well as their certainty. I, however, was not one of those moms. I dreamed of careers and offices, business meetings and shopping at Ann Taylor (which is SO overrated once your job actually requires you to shop there or somewhere similar). I wasn't a frequent babysitter or a big sister, I didn't picture myself as a "kid person". But then, like so many other moms, I eventually had kids. The first year or so wasn't bad (I'm not much of a baby person) but then F started talking - thoughts and ideas and stories flowed out at rapid speed - often about people who weren't me. And maybe that wouldn't have been so bad either, but my job wasn't going that well. I was at a career point where I either needed to start working A LOT harder or start looking for a new job and neither option appealed to me (turns out that offices and business meetings were not nearly as exciting as I had envisioned, in fact when I look back at childhood me I just want to tell her "these aren't the right dreams for you"). So I jumped off the boat, so to speak.

I could go on a long rant about how this choice was the best decision I've ever made (which would be true, but also cliched) - we've heard that story a million times. And the thing is - I admire working moms, it's not easy to divide yourself in two - to go from using every molecule of brain power to sitting on the floor for hours making block towers, when I tried to do both I found I was making grocery lists in meetings and drafting legal briefs while coloring pictures. It was exhausting. But so is this life. Staying up all night with a newborn and then hearing your 3 year old say "but I want to go somewhere fun today!!" is trying (in case you're wondering, we went somewhere fun). So is taking care of three healthy kids when YOU have the flu ("what do you mean mommy has a fever? but I want to play NOW!"). And I do find it incredible that I've been in LONG conversations with people about how FABULOUS their daycare is, but these same people seem to think I do nothing with my time (sometimes I think this blog should be called "look, I actually DO SOMETHING"). Nobody says to daycare workers or nannies "wow, I can't believe people actually pay you, your life must be so easy - just sitting around playing with kids all day." Because the thing is - nobody in their right mind leaves a kid by themselves all day, so if you work, then someone else is taking care of your child. And they have a job. Just like me.

I'm not saying my choices should be yours. If I had loved being a lawyer, I would have stayed in my career (though not at my job) and I still would have been a good mom. Obviously being a good parent is NOT about being there all the time, it's about being there when you're there. My husband billed over 300 hours last month (yes, that means he averaged 10 hours a day of BILLABLE time, seven days a week) yet he still came home and read stories and played Memory and made us baked chicken and crepes and watered the lawn. He's an amazing dad (though an incredibly stressed and tired dad as well).

All in all, life is just about being happy and appreciating the choices you made (and I honestly, truly, love the choices I've made) so I'm not sure why all the judgement gets me down, but wow, sometimes it really does get me down.


On my first day as a SAHM I spent the day the morning at Theodore Roosevelt Island with the girls. As cheesy as it sounds, I remember it as one of the best days of my life.


  1. I love this- eloquent way to put it. Happy anniversary!

  2. wow, there are even more parallels in our lives - I plan to say good bye to my current job (the same, btw) in September:-)

  3. Happy anniversary Darcy! It's so funny that you say the following- so I'm not sure why all the judgement gets me down, but wow, sometimes it really does get me down - because I feel the same way, but from the other side. I guess we all have to continue to grow and make the best decisions for our own lives and hope that one day, that judgement no longer plays a role in our lives. AND just for the record, I admire stay-at-home moms more than anyone in this world and I know you aren't sitting around doing nothing all day. The thing is that you are constantly doing something for someone else -- ALL DAY LONG and ALL NIGHT LONG -- and I can't even imagine what it would be like with 3 kids.

  4. Happy anniversary!!! I love this post, and I always love hearing your insights and adventures!

    Of course, the photos of little F & P are just darling. I so remember those days. :-)

  5. Happy anniversary!
    I just love seeing all the wonderful things you do with your kids. You are am inspiration.

  6. I've probably already said this, but I LOVE your pictures. Such a beautiful, vintage feel to it :)

    Belly B

  7. Happy anniversary!
    I don't like when moms compare eachother and judge the other one's choice too much. My mom was (and still is kind of) a stay-at-home-mum and I could not have imagined my childhood different. I always thought I will be a stay-at-home-mum too. Now I am working almost a 100% outside of home and although I am not really happy with it, I can see how true your sentence is, that it is about "being there when you are there"!
    I try to be there for my girls 100% when I am with them... (and while I am at work I am with them many times in my thoughts...).
    Thanks for sharing!

  8. Thanks everyone for all the comments! It feels great to log on and know people are reading :)

  9. This post is just another reason why I love you, my awesome friend. You inspire me.

    I'm back to work next week and completely freaking out about it. But I'm really going to try to remember to be home when I'm home.

  10. i recently called it quits with my stupid law job to stay home with baby... now feeling a little panicky, but your blog is helping :)




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